[Satire] Got Sick From Flu Shot? No You Didn't.

oursongfortoday.blogspot.com - Every year is turning out to be the worst flu season I've seen in the last ten years. I remember the West Nile outbreak around 2013. Everyone with a headache was getting a spinal tap to evaluate for viral meningitis. And then there was the 2009 H1N1 scare a few years ago that turned out to be a bunch of nothing in my neck of the woods. But none of that compares to the worst flu season ever, which is every year. Hospitals have been aggressively asking or forcing their employees and medical professionals to get their flu vaccine as a way of protecting patients, a population especially at risk for complications from a hospital wide flu outbreak.

Happy's Hospital is no different. They consistently achieve 130% flu prophylaxis year after year. How is that possible Happy? Employees are given two choices at Happy's Hospital: either get the flu shot or get flu-oxetine. The extra 30% comes from dual diagnoses of flu shot already on Prozac. Those that choose the vaccine get their free shots from highly professional nurses. Almost everyone who is a candidate for the flu shot and who hasn't decided to get one yet should strongly consider going to their doctor or local pharmacy to get immunized quickly. In a couple of weeks your body will have a major advantage to protect you against all the crazy antivaxxers out there who are convinced vaccines will make them or their children sick. If you choose flu-oxetine instead, you won't be sad when your child dies of influenza.

Don't be stupid. If you get a reaction after getting the flu shot, it's highly unlikely the flu virus did it and more likely a preservative in the vaccine. Get a preservative free vaccine if you have to. I can understand your concern. A few years ago I thought I was having a major reaction to the H1N1 vaccine. I made pig noises to the poor nurse giving me the vaccine. I heard she's never fully recovered from that traumatic experience. Do whatever you have to do to get vaccinated and protect you and your familyfrom the incredible burden of disease caused by the family influenza viruses. Don't become my next patient. Don't watch your children die helplessly because of your warped sense of reality.

If you decide you don't want to protect yourself or your family from the flu because you are worried you read on the internet that people were getting sick from the flu shot, I am here to set you straight. Those people who say they got sick from flu shot vaccine effects actually had a raging case of that's the stupidest think I've ever heard, as this e-card helps explain. You can see all the Happy Hospitalist original ecards on Pinterest too. This is serious people.

"You didn't get the flu from your flu shot. What you got was a raging case of that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."

"So you got the flu from your flu shot? Sounds like Chronic Flu-oxetine Deficiency to me."

"My hospital sports a 130% rate of flue prophylaxis. And by flu I mean flu shot or fluoxetine."

If you're not already sick and tired of this humor, please enjoy these additional sick e-cards on your fake sick day off...

"I have my OWN definition of sick leave. I take a day off when I'm sick and tired of leaving my dignity at at home."